Lonely heart offers half his salary to whoever can find him The One
By Paul Bentley
They say desperate times call for desperate measures.
And after this lonely heart's last prospect - a mail order bride - jumped out of a window to escape his company, he might well be the most desperate bachelor alive.
Paul Gutierrez, a 38-year-old former soldier from Illinois with the most tragic relationship history, is calling out to the wider public for help - offering half of his annual salary to anyone who can find him a wife.
Desperate: 'Handsome' Paul Gutierrez is offering half his wage to whoever can find him a wife
Mr Gutierrez, who refers to himself, perhaps ironically, as 'handsome Paul', offered the reward for matchmakers on his blog, titled: 'Can Anyone Find Me A Wife'.
'If anyone can find me a girlfriend, who eventually becomes my wife, I'll gladly donate 50% of my income (For one year) to his or her favourite charity,' he wrote.
'Or, if that's not good enough ... I'll happily walk across the country in a wedding dress to raise money for his or her favourite charitable cause ... No joke!'
The website is a collection of hilarious tales of Mr Gutierrez's failed attempts at wooing women and lists 38 reasons why single women should - but haven't so far - fallen in love with him.
Last straw: Paul Gutierrez is taking to extreme measures to find The One
Putting it all on the line: Do you want to marry this man?
He notes that he has served in the military, perhaps in an effort to impress the web's single patriots, but does not completely succeed in selling himself.
He writes: 'The Good News: I was a member of the United States Army. The Bad News: It wasn't for very long.'
Mr Gutierrez writes that he is 'disease and drug free' but admits he wears make-up to hide 'mountain-sized zits' and insists potential girlfriends must first sign a contract before they go on a date.
According to the contract, the date must 'agree to assume full and total financial responsibility for all costs in and of the date itself and to release Handsome Paul from any and all liability that may or may not be the direct or indirect result of our date including but not limited to stalking, pain and suffering, bodily injury, and / or mental anguish.'
Military: Gutierrez looking in better shape while serving for the U.S. Army
Mr Gutierrez insists he has never before had a girlfriend, which does not seem completely unlikely.
'I've never had a girlfriend in my life ... Ever ... Though I thought I did once ... That is until her boyfriend showed up,' he writes.
He also mentions his dalliance with mail order brides on the site, although these were just as unsuccessful.
Contract: The lucky woman will have to sign her life away
'The Bad News,' he notes. 'During my mid twenties, I foolishly traveled alone to Cali, Colombia in search of a mail order bride since my U.S. citizenship was the only thing of value I could offer a woman.
'The Worse News: I had a potential bride-to-be tell me she had to use the lady's room (During our interview session) only to discover she had climbed out of a bathroom window to get away from me.'
Despite the setbacks, however, Mr Gutierrez remains hopeful his latest idea will help him finally find the woman to complete him.
'Most people probably think I'm an epic loser for trying to find a wife like this,' he writes. 'not to mention, I don't have much to offer a woman in regards to money, looks or a career.
'It would be a real-life beauty and the beast marriage. ... Minus the fact I'm not a wavy-haired prince with a castle and servants. ... More like a balding drifter with a future mobile home and hamsters.'
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